THE LEGEND OF
Total Bill
Total Bill
It is a popular misconception that Total
Bill was created in a factory in
Birmingham between the wars (Roses
and Crimean), but the truth, as usual, is
far more confusing. As recent
documentary evidence reveals, Total Bill
has been around for much longer than
previously believed. In the photo at right
it is obvious that even when he was just
Partial Bill he was already possessed of
his trademark evil grin and bicycle.
Bill was created in a factory in
Birmingham between the wars (Roses
and Crimean), but the truth, as usual, is
far more confusing. As recent
documentary evidence reveals, Total Bill
has been around for much longer than
previously believed. In the photo at right
it is obvious that even when he was just
Partial Bill he was already possessed of
his trademark evil grin and bicycle.
It has long been rumored that most of the wars
fought by the human race have been initiated
not by religious or territorial disputes but by a
strange little boy in shorts sowing seeds of
unresolvable hatred and uncontrollable
violence. We are pleased to announce that
the little boy was, and continues to be, Late
Model Humans guitarist Total Bill. At left four
brave men raise the American flag on Mt.
Suribachi as the boy gleefully surveys the
damage he has wrought upon the human race
(l-r Ira Hayes, Franklin Sousley, John Bradley,
Harlon Block, Partial Bill).
fought by the human race have been initiated
not by religious or territorial disputes but by a
strange little boy in shorts sowing seeds of
unresolvable hatred and uncontrollable
violence. We are pleased to announce that
the little boy was, and continues to be, Late
Model Humans guitarist Total Bill. At left four
brave men raise the American flag on Mt.
Suribachi as the boy gleefully surveys the
damage he has wrought upon the human race
(l-r Ira Hayes, Franklin Sousley, John Bradley,
Harlon Block, Partial Bill).
November 22, 1963, Dallas, Texas,
USA. The president's motorcade
rolled through Dealey Plaza on its way
to a rendezvous with destiny. Lee
Harvey Oswald was poised at the
sixth-floor window of the Texas
Schoolbook Depository waiting for
something, anything, to disrupt the
motorcade for the split-second it would
take for him to squeeze a bullet into
the president's brain. Guess who that
anything was?
USA. The president's motorcade
rolled through Dealey Plaza on its way
to a rendezvous with destiny. Lee
Harvey Oswald was poised at the
sixth-floor window of the Texas
Schoolbook Depository waiting for
something, anything, to disrupt the
motorcade for the split-second it would
take for him to squeeze a bullet into
the president's brain. Guess who that
anything was?
1963 was a busy year for our
anti-hero. A mere five months
before his apparition in Dallas
the precocious "tyke on a
bike" paid a visit to his old
friend Thich Quang Doc, a
Vietnamese Buddhist monk,
and convinced the 73 year old
holy man that a sure way to
end the war ravaging his
county involved gasoline and
a match. As New York Times
reporter David Halberstam
wrote at the time:
anti-hero. A mere five months
before his apparition in Dallas
the precocious "tyke on a
bike" paid a visit to his old
friend Thich Quang Doc, a
Vietnamese Buddhist monk,
and convinced the 73 year old
holy man that a sure way to
end the war ravaging his
county involved gasoline and
a match. As New York Times
reporter David Halberstam
wrote at the time:
For any of you fortunate enough to have missed Total Bill's previous performances, be
warned: he still glides among us, wreaking havoc and destruction, but he has traded in his
training wheels for a guitar. If you see him on a stage shredding the air with his unholy
cacophony do not - I repeat DO NOT - try to apprehend him. Try instead to appreciate him.
Buy him a pint if you feel so inclined. He's really not so bad once you get to know him.
ROCK ON TOTAL BILL!
warned: he still glides among us, wreaking havoc and destruction, but he has traded in his
training wheels for a guitar. If you see him on a stage shredding the air with his unholy
cacophony do not - I repeat DO NOT - try to apprehend him. Try instead to appreciate him.
Buy him a pint if you feel so inclined. He's really not so bad once you get to know him.
ROCK ON TOTAL BILL!
"I was to see that sight again, but once was enough. Flames were coming from a human
being; his body was slowly withering and shriveling up, his head blackening and charring. In
the air was the smell of burning flesh; human beings burn surprisingly quickly. Behind me I
could hear the sobbing of the Vietnamese who were now gathering. I was too shocked to cry,
too confused to take notes or ask questions, too bewildered to even think.... As he burned he
never moved a muscle, never uttered a sound, his outward composure in sharp contrast to
the wailing people around him."
being; his body was slowly withering and shriveling up, his head blackening and charring. In
the air was the smell of burning flesh; human beings burn surprisingly quickly. Behind me I
could hear the sobbing of the Vietnamese who were now gathering. I was too shocked to cry,
too confused to take notes or ask questions, too bewildered to even think.... As he burned he
never moved a muscle, never uttered a sound, his outward composure in sharp contrast to
the wailing people around him."